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The most important work email from today…

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From one of my bosses, well shes more like…my boss’ boss’ boss… who is pretty rad….After our ‘Treat Week’, where every day three people brought in treats for the team, and Wednesday was a giant pot luck where everyone came in the next day talking about how they didn’t eat dinner that night (oh I did…I went to Little Star but thats just me…) I pretty much need to go to the gym everyday till I leave for Christmas to even out the amount of feasting and drinking I’ve been doing the past 5 days. ..though according to 6 thats wrong….

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1.   Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.   Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.   It’s rare.  You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into aneggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for me.  Have two.  It’s later than you think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out ofyour mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re
made with skim milk orwhole milk.. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother?
It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in
an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it.
Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet tablewhile carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them anddon’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave thembehind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple , Pumpkin,  Mincemeat .
Have a slice of each. Or
if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always havethree.   When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day ?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatorycelebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a  journey to the grave with the intention of arriving  safely in  an attractive and well preserved body, but  rather to skid in   sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly  used up,totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

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